


Love in Color

by real_phy



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), Produce 48 (TV), 乐华七子NEXT | NEX7, 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Best Friends, Denial of Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Hanahaki AU, Hanahaki Disease, Humor, M/M, Possible Character Death, Possible One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-27 19:07:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15691563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/real_phy/pseuds/real_phy
Summary: " the canvas was my heart, and your love is the art, heck the color itself.  "whereas justin hates looking at overly neon colored stuffs then there comes chengcheng.





	1. prologue.

**Author's Note:**

> the title was inspired by the idea of the story and taeyeon's song; love in color. although the songs i listened to while i was making this was:
> 
> nobody can hear you - ALIUS  
> get you the moon - kina  
> love - finding hope  
> i'm inlove with you - kina  
> voices - stray kids
> 
> probably the first chengstin hanahaki!au but enjoy nonetheless, and i don't guarantee any tears you'll shed from this ilyall. a side note: this will be chaptered and i'm almost finished with it so enjoy!

it was monday,  _ aka,  _ the day that everyone despises and it’s not like for justin, everyday isn’t  _ hell  _ day. with justin perched up on his room’s balcony, head resting on chengcheng’s tummy.  why is that? because firstly, justin definitely hates the fact that chengcheng keeps on wearing shades and shades of pink every single day and it’s not like chengcheng is to be blamed either but it’s just that- 

_ “is there  _ even a cure for that, stin?” chengcheng pipes up, his huge big dark purple  eyes staring down at justin. justin averted his eyes from the monochromatic skies, the dull grey skies were getting a little too boring for him.

that’s the  _ thing.  _ justin had tritanopia. It’s where he sees light blues with greys, dark purples with black, mid-greens with blues, and oranges with reds.  so if anyone asks him what his favorite color is and he would answer  _ anything orange  _ he’s referring to red because it’s the most vibrant color he usually sees.  _ definitely not because  _ his bestfriend, a whole complete asshat’s name is pronounced the same way (cheng has the same pronunciation with oranges). 

“definitely not sooner.” justin mumbles as he continues to stare bitterly at the fuchsia apple beside him. picking it up as he takes a bite before he fakes a gagging face. “Is this what fuchsia tastes like?” justin cracks a joke which earned him a light hit on the head from chengcheng. “so you’re telling me, fuchsia tastes like apple?” chengcheng grins, carding his fingers through justin’s hair.

“ _ you  _ **_can’t_ ** blame me.” justin pipes up, the sweet sweet taste of apple lingering on his tongue as he continues to speak. “my apple is fuchsia, unlike what y’all see.” justin sticks his tongue out before he felt chengcheng’s phone buzz from the other’s pocket.

“who’s that?” justin asked, blinking at the elder and he notes that the elder’s phone looked a little too dull compared to its supposed-to-be-rosegold color. “my project partner.” chengcheng sighed, before patting justin off of his lap. 

“something came up?” justin sits up, now sitting cross-legged on the floor.

“yeah, took her long enough to finally brainstorm our ideas together,  _ and  _ we have to go back to the university now, lunch break is almost over.” chengcheng pats justin’s head before grabbing his backpack, gathering his own stuffs. 

“ah,  _ of course. girls _ .” justin scoffed before he took his own backpack, slinging it on one of his shoulder. “why didn’t you just picked me as your partner instead?” justin whined, grabbing at chengcheng’s arm.

“we’ll both  _ fail,  _ stin.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also! some things to be cleared; justin is color blind and has tritanopia!  
> this is what tritanopia sees (what justin sees): https://images2.corriereobjects.it/methode_image/2017/01/31/Salute/Foto%20Salute%20-%20Trattate/foto10-Cards-kpbG-U43280377431472NrE-593x443@Corriere-Web-Sezioni.jpg?v=201702021945


	2. petals.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> justin sees yellow, for the first time.

the first encounter he had with this  _ event  _ was on a wednesday afternoon, him currently chilling in the library as he waits for none other than fan chengcheng himself because he said something came up and that he needed to finish it. justin is a softie and preferred to stay and wait for chengcheng so he did. 

his arms splayed on the smooth surface of the mahogany table, cheek pressed on one of his arm and when he suddenly felt like he choke on his own spit, justin coughed one, scratching his nose afterwards only to feel something  _ soft and velvety  _ and that’s when justin sees, for the very first time, a yellow petal.  _ it was odd  _ because never had he seen this color before even in front of some devices, but now he’s seeing yellow petals and it made him panic a bit, but where did this came from? justin asked himself before he decided it’s best to shrug this off for now. 

“sup stin.” chengcheng plops himself beside justin, resting his chin on his palm as he stared at justin who was still very much staring at the petal in between his forefinger and thumb. “woah,  _ wait.  _ you got a secret ADMIRER AND DIDN’T TELL ME?” chengcheng whisper-yelled, motioning at the petal in justin’s hold.

justin turns his head at the elder with a very  _ done  _ look, before flicking chengcheng’s nose,  _ hard.  _ “ouch, what was that for?” chengcheng flicks justin’s forehead roughly in return which made justin’s lower lip jut out, rubbing his forehead.

“ _ you idiot.  _ who would even give someone a petal as a way of courting or something.” justin huffs, glaring at chengcheng halfheartedly and chengcheng thinks he looks like that grumpy cat meme which made him laugh loudly, the librarian quickly shushing both of them up and threatened them to kick them out.

“stop being so loud, damn it.” justin whispered in between his silent laughs. before they were both engulfed in a moment of silence again, the pinkish oak leaves started falling, justin averting his eyes from the scenery because of how bitter he was for his eye vision. “what’s that frown for sugar plum?” chengcheng pipes up, staring at the petal again. “is this yellow?” justin holds up the petal at chengcheng. 

“yeah.” chengcheng nods, before it took him a whole minute to react- “ _ holy shit, no way.”  _ chengcheng reacts, eyes widening and justin couldn’t help but snicker because the elder looked stupid with that facial expression. 

“yeah, odd isn’t it?” justin snorts, rolling the petal between his fingers. 

“how- what the fuck!?” chengcheng exclaims, holding his head between his hands. 

“i don’t know, but i can say yellow isn’t.. a very nice color.. s’a good thing i can’t see it normally.” justin scoffs which earned him a hit from chengcheng.

“yellow is nice, shut _ up _ .” 


	3. yellows.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> justin coughs up yellow flowers and lowkey gets freaked out.

justin, thinking that the thing would only occur once was now completely flabbergasted when he was forced to take a cut off from class as he rushed himself to one of the restroom stall, feeling the  _ sickest  _ he had ever been in his whole entire decade of living. clutching onto his stomach, justin thinks he probably just got a bad tummy ache from the candy rush he had last night but that wasn’t the case, it felt like something  _ soft and velvet-y  _ was going to come out of his throat.

holding onto the seat, justin crouched down, squeezing his eyes shut, lips parted as he puked whatever what was blocking his throat and damn did it  _ felt good  _ when all those things had finally been forced out of him. his headache disappearing along with his whole entire meal today- and justin used his sleeve to wipe his lips, about to flush the remnants on the toilet bowl only to do a double check, blinking repeatedly at the toilet bowl.

_ yellow…. petals? _

wait what.

seriously, what was happening to him? he asked himself as he squinted and leaned closer to the petals. it looked familiar… it looked like the exact same petal he once had seen in the library before.

“wow, great. now i can see almost all the color range but i’m puking petals? what the heck?” justin scrunches his nose, rolling his eyes as he flushes the toilet bowl. quick to scramble out of the crime scene, returning to the class with a very worried-looking quanzhe.

“hao, you good? you’re a little pale.” quanzhe pat the sit beside him. 

“yeah, i think? something bizarre just happened, or i might be losing my mind.” justin answers, sighing heavily as he rests his forehead in his forearms. upon hearing this, quanzhe’s eyes widen, holding onto justin’s shoulder as he shook the younger lightly.

“justin. we know you’re crazy but DON’T TELL ME WE NEED TO SEND YOU OFF ON THE MENTAL ASYLUM.” quanzhe faked sob before justin almost had the urge to grab his yellow hair- “wait, your hair is yellow?” justin notes, blinking.

“wait- are you seriously okay?” quanzhe waves a palm in front of justin’s face. “aren’t you supposed to not see yellow?” quanzhe bit his lower lip, looking even more  concerned than ever.

“yeah, but you see. i threw up yellow petals today.” justin whispers, voice lowering as he looks down, seemingly in a deep thought.

“wait, you? threw up petals?” quanzhe’s mouth gape. 

“yeah, and they’re yellow.” justin grins hesitantly, now also concerned for himself.

“oh no, is this something normal?” quanzhe blinks.

_ “hopefully.” _


	4. blues.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> justin starts seeing blue and.. coughs petals that are blue.

thinking that the bizarre moments would hopefully end on that day, justin was just chilling in his bed, his phone in his hand as he was focusing on trying to gain victory as his thumbs flew here and there. “damn it, the top, cheng, the top.” justin hisses and you see, nothing much to be surprised about, justin and chengcheng are very much just playing mobile legends- yeah, nothing to worry about.

but as they  were about to attack the enemy’s base, chengcheng trying to destroy the top turret,  he felt an itch in his throat which made him turn his head away at the screen, coughing roughly that he felt his throat got a little bit scratched from the intensity, chengcheng asking a loud “bro, you okay?” and once he stares back at his screen, the word VICTORY was splayed out, which made him threw his fist up in the air in triumph. “BOOYAH! that’s what we call teamwork.” justin grins.

“you were feeding the enemies, stin.” chengcheng snickers, before justin chuckles, scratching the end of his lips only to feel something  _ soft and velvet-y-  _ not  _ again..  _ justin’s face contorted in horror, grabbing a few petals no more than three as he lets it splayed out on his palm. chengcheng blabbering about how his day went and justin couldn’t even focus on what he was saying because these petals looked different and this time it’s a color he had never seen before.

“hey cheng?” justin cuts chengcheng off which made chengcheng sigh. “i knew you weren’t listening the whole entire time, how disappointing.” chengcheng dramatically states before justin repeats. “cheng.” justin says this time, firmly.

“is something wrong?” chengcheng breathes from his microphone. “check your snap, i’m gonna send you something.” justin states in a rushed tone, taking a photo of the three petals on his palm. 

“are these blue?” justin’s breath hitched, waiting for chengcheng’s answer and chengcheng being the brat he is, humming, teasing justin before justin hisses. “TELL ME!” justin groans which chengcheng laughed as he answered a small “yeah, those are blue petals.” chengcheng confirms, before breathing yet another profanity “ _ how the fuck are you seeing colors.”  _ he states in awe from the other line. 

“ _...i don’t know, but  _ i am very much seeing blue right now.” justin states, the silence engulfed between them. justin could even see chengcheng squinting from the other side, his lips probably thinning into a line and it made justin smile stupidly in thought. “got something to say mr. detective?” justin calls out playfully, now lying on his tummy on his bed, cheek squished against the soft pillow.

“you’re weird, are you actually not color blind?” chengcheng jokes before justin breathes heavily “dumb.”

he couldn’r believe what he was actually seeing, as soon as he lifted his head, orbs scanning his surroundings. suddenly the former aqua shade of his lamp was now a beautifully dark blue one. 

“stin?” chengcheng piped up from the other line. 

“oh, uh yeah, ‘m here.” justin retorts, pursing his lips in a thin line.

“it’s late. you should sleep.” chengcheng yawns before continuing. “goodnight stin, don’t stay up too late.” chengcheng finishes before the line on the other side died. 

and justin was left on his own to admire two of the newest colors he could see, yellow and blue. 


	5. discovery.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> justin finds out what the flowers are and sees chengcheng.

“zhe, please go with me. i’m hopeless..” justin whined, dragging the elder to the nearest flower boutique. 

“YOU GOTTA THANK ME I AM A SOFTIE.” quanzhe answered as he crossed his arms, pouting like a newborn baby. 

justin’s grin only widen as he opened the door of the boutique for both of them, the mixed smell of flowers quickly elicited a sigh from him. 

“i  _ love  _ the smell of flowers.” justin mumbles, before he hears quanzhe calling out for him.

“hao! isn’t this… the exact same flower? the yellow one?” quanzhe examined the petals in his hold, turning his head at a blinking justin. 

the label read;  _ begonia  _

“...that’s so odd..” justin whispered to himself, the flowers almost talking to him and he’s slightly freaking out from what he’s feeling just by seeing the actual flower. 

but then one of the begonia bloom flew away, justin panicking as he scrambled to grab it but it continuously flew and flew until he’s led to almost everywhere in the boutique.  _ “damn it come here you-”  _ justin curses before he halted, seeing a familiar flower. 

the label reads;  _ hyacinth  _

the familiar soft and small petals added a sickening feeling to his gut, and now the colors are intensifying and it made him want to close his eyes for a bit before he heard a rather  _ unexpected  _ voice. 

“stin? what you doing here?” justin turned his head to see a flushed chengcheng, a bouquet of rosebud in his hold. he wanted to get out of there as soon as he can because firstly;  _ chengcheng looked embarrassed,  _ second; it’s like he’s not  _ happy  _ to see justin at all.

“...hi!” justin piped up, bubbly getting up on his feet before he realized he was still holding onto the blue hyacinths, scrambling to hide it behind him. “cheng…” justin starts, before breaking into a grin as he wiggles his eyebrows at the bouquet in chengcheng’s hold.

“you’ve been away for  _ days  _ and here you’re actually trying to woo someone. is that what bestfriends do nowadays?” justin clicks his tongue, faking a hiss as he crosses his arms. “wait-  _ what?  _ this? oh this is nothing.” chengcheng stumbles with his words and that itself was a red alert. “it’s for bingbing jie.” chengcheng ends it with a smile. 

“oh? she’s coming back?” justin’s thoughts were now dropped as he heard the name of chengcheng’s sister. 

“yeah! and i almost forgot to tell you- welcoming dinner’s tonight. you should go.” chengcheng’s smile widen before he squints, head reaching out from behind justin. 

“now, you’re the one who has a lot of explaining to do.” chengcheng smirks smugly from the hyacinths behind justin.

_ wait, does he really need to tell chengcheng  _ like, right here? right now? with everyone probably staring at them. 

“it’s for our project.” justin lies abruptly, sighing to make himself convincing. holding even tighter onto the flowers.

chengcheng quirks a brow at that before he offers a palm. “i’ll pay for it then.” he chuckles, reaching out to pat justin in the head.

“y-you sure?” justin blinks because  _ no  _ he wasn’t supposed to buy anything in this boutique and yet- here he was. 

“justin! i was looking for you everywhere and i found out that the other flower was actually hyac- mph!” justin was quick to shut quanzhe up with a palm in his mouth before he could go further, motioning to chengcheng’s direction.

quanzhe mouths a  _ “he doesn’t know?”  _ and justin nods quickly at that before chengcheng turns around, blinking before he greets quanzhe. “quanzhe! haven’t seen you around lately.” chengcheng chuckles before the two got into a conversation and justin sighs in relief as he grabs the hyacinths from chengcheng’s hold. 


	6. spectrum. ( and reds )

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> first time justin sees red and met a girl.

what is friendship when the person who invited you won’t pick you up? and that’s the case for justin and chengcheng themselves. justin was sitting outside of their balcony, the night breeze caressing his cheeks and it made him shiver. proud to say, it was his first time wearing a blue hoodie, and he probably would change his favorite color anytime sooner. 

**orange:** where you at?

**me:** behind you

**orange:** bye i’m leaving you.

**me:** kidding! BitcH I’M SITTING ON THE FRONT DOOR.

**orange:** not my fault you’re small as fuck.

justin laughs against the silent neighborhood, the bright yellow lit streets making him see the car honking on his front door.

as soon as chengcheng lowers the car’s mirror, justin smoothly leans against the window, squinting.

“who you callin’ short?” justin’s tone drops lower before chengcheng rolls his eyes, attempting to drive away until justin yelled a “I’M KIDDING!” 

taking the seat beside chengcheng, justin eagerly bounces in his seat before he blinks. “wait, why are you driving?” justin gasps in horror before he attempts to get out of the car only for chengcheng to control the door lock, leaning against the steering wheel, looking amused. “uh, need i remind you? i’m 18.” 

and justin made a face at that, looking like a kid about to throw a tantrum as he crosses his arms, sinking in his seat. chengcheng’s laughter drowning the soft songs coming from the stereo. “you listen to lovesick bops? what a loser.” justin mutters, saltiness dripping within every tone. 

chengcheng presses his lips in a thin line at that, occasionally glancing at a very sulking justin before he presses the button repeatedly, trying to find that  _ one  _ song. as soon as it played, justin started singing to it in a very  _ disoriented  _ voice. 

“cAUSE YOU ARE YOU ARE-” justin was actually feeling the song already yet chengcheng clicks his tongue, eyes glued to the red from the traffic light as he scoffs. “he says my troye sivan playlist is a loser playlist then there he is, actually listening to even more  _ lovesick  _ bops” 

“LISTEN. the song is nice!” justin defends himself, trying to look serious before he breaks into a grin and the two ended up laughing away during the ride. 

“hey, cheng?” justin speaks out of nowhere, his eyes glued to the city lights, the colors he usually sees plus now with  _ yellows  _ and  _ blues  _ made everything even more magical.

“mmhm?” chengcheng hums, eyes glued to the road.

“does this mean we can go out on night rides?” justin eagerly pipes up, looking hopefully at chengcheng.

“why not?” chengcheng answers and as soon as justin could even count to three they were already there and boy  _ he guesses  _ the guest list was already full.

“you didn’t tell me it’s a formal party?” justin states, hugging himself as he felt so out of place with all the luxurious outfits he’s seeing from the guests.

“not my fault you didn’t care to look at me.” chengcheng shrugs, holding a coat-  _ a coat?  _

“...fuck you, you’re even wearing one.” justin gasps in utter disbelief. feeling like he’s going to shrink even more.

chengcheng just only smirks smugly, dragging justin inside but  _ hell no  _ would justin go looking like that.

“ _ No! LET ME GO. I’M NOT GOING IN LOOKING LIKE THIS.”  _ justin reasons out, before chengcheng looks at him seriously.

“going in? or i’m carrying you?” chengcheng threatens, tightening his grip on justin’s wrist,

“what kinda- what is this quackery..” justin mumbles before he just lets the elder drag him, head lowered.

he could feel all eyes on him and chengcheng but then again his main goal was just to see  _ fan bingbing  _ in all her beauty and as soon as justin sees her, he couldn’t stop himself from yelling a “bingbing jiejie!” with bingbing quickly turning around, looking surprised at first before she opens her arms wide. “Is this huang minghao? justin!?” bingbing says in disbelief as justin runs in her arms.

“it’s me! it’s me!” justin eagerly squeezes the elder. “you weren’t even this tall the last time i saw you and you were crying because the plushie chengcheng gave you got torn- so we had to buy you a new one.” bingbing explains, the guests hearing laughing softly. 

“ _ yeah..  that..”  _ justin grins, sheepishly rubbing his nape before he was reminded that he was wearing just  _ jeans  _ and hoodies from the pool of cocktail dresses and tuxedos. 

“you looked so horrendous that time!” chengcheng pipes out of nowhere, bingbing playfully nudging him before chengcheng starts to drag justin away.

“thanks for inviting me no i gotta go-” justin insists but chengcheng only continued to drag him upstairs.

“no, thank the heavens i am kind because i’ll lend you my suit so stop acting like a lunatic.” chengcheng laughs, justin trailing behind him. the moment they got into chengcheng’s room justin plopped himself face down on the bed, letting out a whine.

“can i just stay here?” justin looks over at chengcheng who was busy on his closet.

“nope, drag your lazy ass and try these on or you’re wearing that downstairs.” chengcheng once again threatens him before he unwillingly drags himself up, walking towards chengcheng.

“i.. like this one better.” justin points at the grey suit before chengcheng insisted he should wear the black one. “but it’s orange!” justin points at the handkerchief on the pocket. “It’s red, silly.” chengcheng shoves the outfit to him and justin ended up wearing it.

“it looks obnoxiously orange to me..” justin sighs, trying to fix his hair as he goes back downstairs with chengcheng. chengcheng was trying to fix his coat as once again, they blended themselves within the crowd. now now, justin didn’t have any troubles trying to socialize because he was  _ a social butterfly  _ that he even forgot about the time. 

thinking that he needs air from all the talking his mouth had to do, he drags himself to the huge balcony from this mansion, leaning into the marble railing, taking off his coat and admiring the city view.  _ yellow is ugly  _ but seeing from here, justin actually had second thoughts. 

“i was looking everywhere for you!” chengcheng hisses, grabbing onto justin’s coat.”

“i needed fresh air.” justin calmly explains, opening his arms wide before breaking into a fit of giggles along with chengcheng.

“i got tired inside, damn.” chengcheng says, fanning himself and justin pretended the way he could see sweat dripping of from the sides of his face didn’t make his heart beat faster.

and they let silence engulf them, just the city lights twinkling like stars from this view, the night skies complimenting the scenery and for once, justin admired a dark brightly star-lit night skies, not the usual dull grey skies.

justin thinks the view was beautiful.

 

but the moment he turns his head to chengcheng, with the wall of blue and pink flowers complimenting his complexion, justin felt  _ something  _ in him warmed up, and this view was even more  _ breathtaking  _ than the city lights. he thought to himself that being cured to his color blindness was a blessing, especially if he could get more views of chengcheng like this, and he was probably losing his mind when his mind told him to reach out and hold chengcheng’s hand, his fingertips slowly, slowly making progress nearer from chengcheng’s and just a  _ little more- _

  
  


he was about to grab the elder’s hand yet he jumped from hearing a familiar voice from behind them.

“xixi! bingbing’s looking for you.” a female voice was heard which made both of them turn around, justin’s hand quickly retreating from where it originated. justin was almost panting, his heart beating rapidly in his chest as if he had been caught red-handed.

“oh, hey there! you’re my junior aren’t you?” justin took his time to stare at her. long dark hair, lips in a shade of orange, her dress…. looking too dull for justin’s liking because it was sparkling yet it was a dull grey color. 

“oh, uh?” justin stares at chengcheng, wanting the elder to speak up for him.

“oh shoot, i forgot to tell you-” chengcheng chuckles sheepishly. “yiren, this is justin and yeah he’s 2 years our junior. justin, she’s yiren, my project partner.” chengcheng motions before she approaches justin, holding out her palm.

“it’s nice to meet ya!” yiren greets, her voice feminine tinged with a very bubbly tone and as justin was about to speak she squishes justin’s cheeks together. “you’re so so so cute! tintin, i’ll call you that!” yiren announces and both of them turned their heads together to a loudly laughing chengcheng. “TINTIN. HOW CLEVER.” chengcheng was about to exclaim from his laughing fit which earned him a glare from justin.

by now the rapid beating of justin’s heart died down and thankfully the girl had found mercy on his cheeks. 

“now excuse me, i have to drag xixi with me because bing jie is looking for him!” yiren states eagerly as she hugs his arm.

“I’ll see you later, stin.” chengcheng nods, there was a visible flush on his cheeks and justin decided not to question it as he mumbles a “yeah sure” in return. 

for the rest of the night, chengcheng’s  _ see you later  _ was found nowhere, and justin even had to walk back home on his own because well, you know, chengcheng was busy. 

justin admits it gets scary walking alone in the middle of 1 am, wearing chengcheng’s suit, and the smell of it making his tummy churn and making him a little sick-

**chengcheng:** stin? where’d you go?

**me:** sorry, thought you were busy!! i left already, i’ll return the suit tomorrow.

**chengcheng:** why am i not surprised… you on the car or something?

**me:** uh.. no, but i’m near!

**chengcheng:** what the fuck?

**me:** i’m home! Goodnight!

justin was quick to shove his phone in his pocket as he felt his stomach did another painful flip and he was racing to get to the bathroom, but the nearest he got was the kitchen sink and he even had to crouch down, holding tightly onto his stomach as he started vomiting then and there, and the worst part was, with every gag that leaves his throat, his tummy would churn tighter and tighter that the pain would intensity and reach his chest.

at this point, tears were pricking in his eyes and it was  _ so excruciating  _ justin was sweating the moment he finished vomiting there, the bad thing was, his mom wasn’t around so this was terribly a  _ bad  _ idea. justin wipes his lips with his palm, before he sees an  _ extremely bold color  _ he had never seen intensely before.

and he could feel something cold dripping from his chin, and once he gathers the dripping substance with the tip of his finger, the same bold color was seen and when he focuses his vision on the sink, camellias with the same intense color from the substance.

_ red. this is what red is.  _

justin thought to himself, collapsing on the kitchen counter as he breathes heavily. why was he bleeding? and on top of that, why was his chest aching? 

the moment he saw his phone screen lighting up with chengcheng’s name, justin ducks down again for another round of vomiting bloody camellias. 


	7. violets.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> justin seeing violet in its purest form.

justin was left pondering after the party, for a three weeks, his bed had been growing petals and mind you, these petals were being coughed up by him, and it gets annoying. justin was so tired trying to conceal the petals especially if he was in school and slowly, the coughing up petal thing was getting on him, his liveliness was being forced out of him and maybe he was getting sick because he forgot to bring an umbrella the other day and definitely not because he saw yiren and chengcheng under one umbrella  _ even  _ though he coughed about a toilet full of petals after seeing that.

he had to do something and the amount of petals he’s seeing makes him grow even more concerned for himself as he plants his face against his pillow. he was getting hopeless and this time the bright glaring of the red light on his window made him squeeze his eyes shut, still completely traumatized by the amount of blood he had seen coming out from him weeks before.

yet, one look to his desk and he sees the empty jars made him think of such a bright idea. grinning at his wit, justin gets on his feet, grabbing the jars as he starts stuffing the jars with the varying petals, and he finishes cleaning up his bed with a wide smile. staring at the jars, justin decided to probably tell chengcheng next week so he could still plan how he’s getting a little too in love with the elder and maybe the whole he’s coughing up flowers thing is a sign that he should tell chengcheng  _ because free flowers.  _

this time, justin grabbed his phone, shaky as he called chengcheng.

“hey cheng?” justin starts, biting on his lower lip.

“wait! wait! justin is calling.” chengcheng was laughing so cheerfully on the other line.

“..hello?” justin repeats himself, and he took note how his heart started beating rapidly yet it was also aching and it made him confused for a moment.

“cheng, i was thinking about grabbing lunch with you tomorrow?” justin coos, trying to sound pleading as he sighs, a very lovesick one at that before chengcheng hums from the other line.

“stin.. i’m sorry, i can’t..” he answers and justin had to put his phone away because he felt another massive wave of coughing and he’s thinking  _ not again  _ because he’s had enough he probably might lose weight from all the coughing he had to do but when justin stares at the new petal  in his hold, and again it was violet, the first time he had seen this color in its purest form.

“..what time will you be free tomorrow?” justin changed his mind,, he had to confess tomorrow, he just had to.

“uh, around evening?” chengcheng continued laughing from the other line, trying to sush up whoever was with him and justin pursed his lips, trying not to cough even more petals.

“alright, school rooftop tomorrow evening, i’ll see you.” justin didn’t even wait for chengcheng’s response. Quickly stuffing the new violet flowers in the jar, and he had to choose one jar tomorrow, grabbing a pen and paper and he took it as a challenge to write the very first love letter he would write in his whole entire existence. 


	8. confession.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the confession and the big revelation.

it was the exact same day justin had been hating since last night and he was currently leaning against the rooftop’s railing, trying hard to contain the wild beating of his heart. he was scared, scared of what really?  _ scared of facing chengcheng?  _ no he’s not sure, but he was scared of something and he kept on checking his phone and chengcheng was an hour late but he lets it pass, he could no longer stand the fact that he’s going to continue coughing petals, and maybe confessing to chengcheng might stop it. 

“stin? sorry i’m late! i had to go somewhere.” chengcheng announces, making justin turn around and justin suddenly felt like his breath is hitching and he could no longer speak and his mind was going a hundred miles per hour making him dizzy that he had to close his eyes, heaving a deep breathe.

“cheng.” justin starts, gripping the jar of petals in his hand and maybe the moonlight needs to be damned because chengcheng looked too good in his violet sweater and it’s making justin just want to grab him by his head and kiss him breathless and card his fingers through his hair and- 

“cheng, i got to tell you something.” justin repeats, clearing his throat and even if he shuddered from the night’s breeze he had to do this, quickly squeezing his eyes shut as he shoves the jar of petals in front of chengcheng.

“Ireallyreallylikeyouandmaybethesepetalswouldletyouknow?” justin states really fast and justin didn’t want to open his eyes yet, because he was scared and was getting even more scared when silence greeted him but the moment he felt the jar being tugged out of his hold, justin dared to open his eyes and was greeted by a chengcheng with a smile, but a very  _ sympathetic  _ one. 

he supposes chengcheng already understood what he said and justin lets out a breath of relief, wiping his sweat as he lets out a small chuckle he gains the confidence, the courage which made him look up and stare directly into chengcheng’s eyes.

“please go out with me?” justin asks, voice small and pleading.

justin was hopeful, he was.

 

yet the words that came out of chengcheng’s mouth and the way chengcheng gave back the jar to justin made him felt something he had never felt before.

  
  


_ longing and pain.  _

  
  


“stin... i’m so sorry. i appreciate that you like me, and it makes me feel flattered.” chengcheng chuckles, before he clears his thraot almost awkwardly and justin hates the look of pity chengcheng is giving him.

“but, i can’t.” chengcheng licks his lips, pursing his lips and justin  _ felt  _ the distance between them, and the petals that had been shoved back into his hand felt heavy but not as heavy as his heart and justin found out what he was scared about. he was so scared of rejection but justin fights back his emotions, he fights back the urge to spill his tears, he fights back the urge to ask what he’s missing for chengcheng not to accept him but justin chose to hug the jar instead, smiling.

“thanks for hearing me out,  _ ge.”  _ justin chuckles, and it has been years since he last called chengcheng as  _ ge  _ but he feels the need to right now and he could be marching off already but instead the familiar feminine voice was back.

“xixi! what’s written on yours?” yiren was now right behind chengcheng, her arms wrapped around him and the scene was starting to mock him.

“hm?” chengcheng turns around to face her, and justin just noticed how there was something written on his sweater it reads  _ hers  _ and justin didn’t mean to drop the glass jar in his hand but he did and it made him feel even more pathetic than he did, and now he’s definitely trying to fight back the urge to look pitiful when he ducks down, picking up the petals and the broken glass shards hand by hand and hissing everytime he’d scratch his finger from it but he needed to clean this mess and he felt two pair of eyes landing on him.

“stin, don’t-” chengcheng spoke up only to be cut off by yiren’s voice.

“are those gladiolus?” yiren pipes up, kneeling down as she helped justin pick up the petals.

“these are so hard to find..” yiren continues before she looks at justin. “it means sincerity… and wanting to find a closure.” yiren’s voice trails off and justin’s tear dropped on the broken glass shard that he had to quickly wipe off the rest, trying to ignore the bitter feeling in his chest as he sees what yiren’s sweatshirt says  _ his .  _

quickly bowing as he gathered up all the broken shards in his hands,  _ wounded hands _ , justin noticed all the petals in his hold losing their color, he sees white, he’s seeing aqua, and oranges and.. grey.

eyes averting back to yiren and chengcheng, he noticed that their sweatshirt turned grey as well and justin blinks repeatedly at them.

“i was suppose to tell chengcheng to give this to you, yiren.” justin lies, smiling sweetly as he motions to the broken glass shards and petals. “i’m sorry for my clumsiness, i’ll go now.” justin’s voice breaks and it was his cue to run and leave the place.


	9. gladiolus.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> justin's life is back to its original color and the aftermath.

the confession left a pretty huge impact to justin that he had to thank the heavens he had two days to fix himself and to stop himself from crying and moping around just because he had been rejected especially for a first love.  _ pathetic.  _ he repeats to himself as he tries to stop himself from moping around, the pillow comforting him and maybe the rain outside had to mourn with him. 

the saddest thing was, all he sees now are back to the dull and lifeless colors he had seen before. Ironic how  _ chengcheng  _ brought the color back to him, yet also took it when he decided to tear justin’s heart apart but then again it’s not chengcheng’s fault and justin’s either because chengcheng can’t force himself to love justin back and justin can’t control who he would fall for. 

justin’s sigh resonates within the room, eyes glued on his phone. 

**zhengting:** justin, xukun told me you’re having hanahaki disease. get it treated sooner okay? feel better soon. cry if you want to, then call me if you feel like you’re crying. take care.

the message made him felt a little more upset, but also thankful and now that he found out that the reason why he was puking petals were actually because he’s falling in love with chengcheng one-sidedly and he was dumb to think about confessing and now his eyes are glued onto the language of flowers on the web and he feels a little more hopeless, yet he knows even if he continues to cough grey gladiolus, he’d still hope for the day for chengcheng to atleast give him attention.

 

_ for that itself will be enough.  _

and as justin stares at the broken shards of the jar, he noticed something was missing. 

 

_ his love letter.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that’s it! OH IS THAT REALLY IT? If y’all want a sequel i can do one but for now i’ll leave it like this! I’M SORRY I MADE THIS I WAS SO SO UPSET WITH MY LIFE i turned my sadness into a fanfic. also if you are interested in knowing the choices of flowers i made!  
> begonia represents: beware   
> hyacinths (blue): constancy (the love justin was feeling for chengcheng)  
> camellia (red): you’re a flame in my heart  
> gladiolus: give me a break and i’m really sincere.
> 
> i hope you guys had fun reading my story! check out my other chengstin fic named 3:00 AM for i will be finishing that as well! that’s all, ciao!

**Author's Note:**

> updates will be fast so don't worry! what do you guys think?


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